Thoughts on Trials

As always, feel free to comment, but please be respectful. This is a very sacred experience to me.

A few weeks ago, a family member of a close friend was seriously injured in a terrible accident. She's been in unbearable pain, and the lasting effects have been extensive. It has taken a toll on the family emotionally, spiritually, financially, as well as physically. Their strength continues to astound me, as they take on incredible obstacles with the kind of faith I can't imagine. Still, it has been incredibly difficult for them. My thoughts and prayers go out to them during this time of trial.

Though I am not personally acquainted with her or her family, I've been receiving updates on the situation from my friend. I can't imagine being asked to go through what this family has. About a week and a half ago, I heard from my friend that the family was having an extremely difficult time. The doctors were not optimistic. They were told that what they had seen to be signs of incredible improvement could be signs of nothing at all. She was horribly in pain, and the painkillers weren't helping. It seemed as though nothing anyone could do could ever make it okay again. She's fourteen years old, and her life will never be the same. My friend mentioned to me her father's comment that the hardest thing he had ever experienced was listening to his daughter cry in pain in the middle of the night, knowing that he couldn't help her.

This is going to sound crazy, but when I heard this, my heart just broke for this family. She's fourteen years old. Why on earth would she be called to endure something like this? Why does her family have to be in so much pain? Why couldn't this have happened to me, so that she didn't have to go through it? I think what was the most poignant to me was her father's pain. I'd met him. He's a good man. No one should have to listen to their child cry knowing that nothing they can do will take the pain away. I didn't understand. Why couldn't I feel that pain, so that he wouldn't have to?

I felt about as crazy as I sound. I don't know them. I've only met her father once. It didn't make sense for me to react like I did. Why would I want to take their pain so that they didn't have to feel it? Regardless of how little sense it made, it was how I felt. I was in class and trying very hard to maintain composure, but I was on the verge of tears. Remembering what a friend had told me about prayer, I prayed. I prayed for them, and I prayed for myself. I asked why I couldn't have done it instead. I knew it sounded crazy, but I didn't know how to feel any differently. I'll admit, I was quickly losing control of my emotions.

But then something happened. I felt the Spirit speak to my heart, and I understood more about trials in that moment than I ever had before. I felt very strongly that the Savior had already taken their pain upon himself. I couldn't take their pain for them, because it isn't about someone feeling it. This pain was meant very specifically for this family, and they were to grow stronger from it. I can't imagine going through what they are now, but I know that they will be stronger and better for it. This trial is to serve a purpose, known to the Lord. I also felt very strongly that the Lord was in charge. There was no coincidence nor chaos in this experience. He was very much in control, and very mindful of them. I felt strongly that He was with them, and that they had not and would not be left alone. If He did not see fit to take away their pain, then He would give them the strength to bear it. I felt that He knew them and loved them.

It's hard not to be able to do anything to help, beyond fasting and prayer. I still come close to (and sometimes give in to) tears when I think about how much they are going through, but in that moment, I knew that they had not been abandoned. They were not alone. I also learned that the Lord knows me personally, and that He knows exactly what I need. I knew that if I had told anyone how I had reacted, I would have sounded insane, but the Lord knew exactly what I needed to hear, and He gave that to me. He didn't make me feel crazy or ashamed for caring so deeply about people I didn't know; He only assured me that He cared for them more and would be with them. How incredible it is to know that my God loves me personally, and is not swayed by popular opinion. It means so much to me to know that even when I have no idea what I need, He does. We are not alone, for we are never alone.

P.S. There is a fundraiser to benefit this family at Classic Skating on Wednesday. If you can make it, please come. Ask me for more details.